I'll Stand By You
by Gretalie Moores
Summary: RLNT...just a little ditty from Tonk's point of view about her life with Remus and how she feels.


**Disclaimer:** If I owned any of this, then I wouldn't have to right a disclaimer to say I didn't…

**A/N:** Just a little thing I thought up whilst listening to Girls Aloud. Remus and Tonks forever!

Oh, and if the tenses switch in places, I apologise, but I got confused as to which tense I was writing in. I've read through it though, and it seems to be ok.

Defy gravity my lovelies!

A/N: 29/4/05: I'd just like to say thanks to my lovely reviewers! I hated to have to take out the lyrics, but I feel it still makes sense...the full version will be on my website once I've finished it.

**I'll Stand By You**

You left early from dinner again, and you didn't eat anything at that. I'm not spying on you; it's quite obvious to see, and most of the Order have mentioned something. It's just…well…I'm worried about you. You told me I shouldn't be when I mentioned it to you before. I told you that I understood how you felt and that's when you shouted at me, commenting on how I couldn't understand; how I didn't understand. That hurt you know. There I am, trying to talk to you, trying to give you some comfort and gain some at the same time, and you shout at me?

I leave it this time…I guess I'm too scared to follow. I never want to give you cause to shout at me again, because you are perhaps the only other person who really knows how I feel. Yes, I may not have seen Sirius for over a decade, but he was one of the few people in my family who didn't care if I didn't want to be a Death Eater when I grew up. I hurt too.

So I've finally worked up the courage to seek you out. Well, actually, it was more of an accident, see, I was trudging along the hallway to my room…and I tripped and fell through your door. Not that you have noticed; you're too busy gazing out of the window at the moon. I guess it haunts you. It haunts me to, just not in the same way. You don't know that I can't sleep a night. You don't know that I sit up for hours staring at that same moon, crying because I feel so alone. You're staring so intently that I don't have the heart to disturb you, but then I hit my elbow on the door on the way out, and you turn around. It's easy to see that you've, not been crying, but have let those few last tears escape. I expect you to ignore me, but no, surprisingly enough, you don't.

"I'm sorry," you say, and beckon me over to the window. I'm a little hesitant, but you smile reassuringly at me, and so I walk over to join you.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" I ask, gesturing to the moon.

"Yes and no," you reply, and I know what you mean. We stand in silence for what must be ages, and my mind turns to Sirius, as usual. A tear trickles down my cheek, but I take no notice. You, however, do, and it's not long before you've gathered me in your arms, providing the comfort I crave so much. The tears are steadily flowing now, but you don't seem to mind how I'm making your jumper damp. Your hand is moving in circular movements on my back, and you kiss my head, and gradually, my sobs decrease. When I really think about it, it's quite nice being here in your arms, and part of me never wants to let go.

Unfortunately, I can't read your mind, so I can't tell how you feel about me. Are you holding me because you want to? Or because you feel obligated? It's as though you can read my mind, as you tighten your arms around me, and rest your cheek in my hair.

"It's ok," you whisper, so I can barely hear you, "I'm here." Your fingers are running through my long pink hair, but I look up at you, puzzled. You smile gently, that smile that makes me warm inside, and lower your lips to mine. I'm somewhat surprised, and stand there like a lemon, not quite sure what's happening. I think you notice, and start to pull away, but in that split second, I realise that I don't want to have to deal with embarrassed silences and questions, so I close the gap once more plant my lips firmly back on yours. My conscience tells me that this isn't a very good time to be doing this, but my heart tells me this is right.

A couple of days later, I open the door to the kitchen to witness you throwing a mug at the wall. Somehow, I knew that something like this would happen, and all I can do is take you in my arms this time, and hold you as you cry. Talk about a change of roles eh? But that's ok, because this is what we need; just to let it all out can do the world of good. I am, however, glad that we're the only ones here. It could turn out a little embarrassing if say, Molly happened to drop in.

And then, just when I think things are going so well, you close in again, and we have a row. In front of everyone I might add, but this time, I storm out into the rain. I keep walking until I reach the nearby park, and it's here that I contemplate us. Is there an 'us'? A part of me says 'no', but another part desperately wants there to be an 'us'. And all of a sudden, I come to realise that you don't know how I feel. I vow there and then to make you see that you are not the only one affected by this. It's at that point I march back to the house, crash through the front door, up the stairs, and into your room, where I know you'll be. I can hear Mrs Black screaming, and I know the rest of the house will be up here soon, but for all it's worth, I don't care, so long as I can make you understand that I have the right to grieve as well.

And so, I let all hell lose, and I stand there ranting and raving at you, with tears of frustration pouring down my face. I must have gone on for at least twenty minutes, when I saw understanding in your eyes. I hadn't seen that before. Before it was just sorrow and self pity, but now, now you realise that Sirius wasn't just important to you. He touched so many lives, but you never thought to look beyond your own mourning. And it's this look that makes me forgive you all in one go. You walk over take my hands, apologising profusely, but I stop you with a gentle kiss, which, in all honesty, is slightly wet due to the fact that we've both been crying. But then you wipe away the tears and caress my cheek. I lean into your hand, and you kiss me again, but this time, it's different. It's the type of kiss that tells me you're willing to move on, and you're willing to start something new. It's perfect. But then everything is ruined by the fact that the rest of the household is standing on the threshold, making somewhat of a racket. That's when I realise I forgot to shut the bloody door.

And that's how the beginning of the rest of our life started. And though we both knew that the journey wouldn't be easy, we had each other to hold onto through the hardest times.

Two years later, you ask me to marry you. I didn't need to think about it; there was nothing else I wanted. I must be the luckiest woman in the world, to have the love of a man like you. And when the vicar finally spoke those famous words, I felt complete. That was of course, until we had a bit of a surprise a few months later, and I told you I was pregnant. You were quite amazed actually, but definitely pleased. You were so excited about becoming a father, and I loved you all the more for it. And then I can remember seeing the fear in your eyes when I woke up in excruciating pain about a month before our little girl was due to be born. I don't even remember getting to St. Mungo's, and I don't remember what happened while I was there, but I do remember waking up to see you sleeping beside me, your head beside me. You stirred when I squeezed your hand, and the relief on your face was frightening. I wondered what had happened, and you said that I had nearly died. Some kind of magical infection. And then you told me that our baby had had to be delivered. That was why I felt so empty. I braced myself for you to tell me that she didn't make it, but then you smiled, and said that Katie was fine, but the healers wanted to keep her up on the special ward for observation. When I finally saw her, I fell in love with her right away; she was so beautiful.

Sarah soon came along, and then finally Michael; just as beautiful, and just as perfect as their sister. And that's when I felt whole. I had everything I wanted.

So when Michael finally left for Hogwarts, the house felt strange; it felt so empty. I took up full time work again, back with the aurors. It turned out I hadn't lost my touch, and there will always be dark wizards and witches needing to be caught. Mad-Eye had finally retired, with a big party, and I was put in charge of a few young, just-out-of-training aurors, like I used to be. They were just as carefree, and just as innocent, and it was my job to tell them how it was. But I didn't, it was something they needed to find out on their own. But you know what I wanted more than anything else? It was to be at home, with you and the kids, going on picnics and chasing butterflies through woods, like we always did during the summer. But we couldn't; it just made the times when we were altogether that much more special.

And then it came the time that our children left us, and went out into the big bad world, to have lives of their own. All three married, but I was sad to see that not all of them were happy. Sarah lost her husband in an accident, and she and her daughter were distraught. I remember when they came back to live with us, and though it was under the wrong circumstances, I was glad to have youth back in the house. Our children gave us seven beautiful grandkids, who in turn contributed to the family with more great-grandchildren than I care to count. The point is, we were never alone; we had a family, and we had gotten over Sirius, even though he was so much a part of our lives.

But then you became ill, and it was then that it became apparent to me that the age gap between us was a lot bigger now, than it was all those years ago. And yes, you have been ill many times before, but this time, I realised you weren't going to get better. The full moons were getting harder and harder. It was after your last transformation that I knew you wouldn't be with us much longer, and as hard as it was, I had to keep myself together, for the sake of you and our children. I didn't want you to see I was scared, and that I didn't want to be alone. But it was when we were all gathered around our bed, during your last moments, that I could see you were at peace, and that I would never be lonely, because you would always be with me. In my heart.

Your funeral was hard on me. It finally dawned on me that you weren't coming back, and all our memories came back to me, the good and the bad, and I wondered why we never wrote down what we did. But then I realised that our memories were engraved on my heart, just as your love is.

And so I stand here now, with all our children, and their children, and their children, missing you like crazy, and for one moment, I turn my hair pink, just to remind you, as you're looking down on us, that I'm constantly thinking of you. I study the engraving on your stone, and there's one line that stands out.

I'll stand by you

* * *

A/N: This never intended to turn out like this, and I even had myself crying, because I don't like to think of people dying, but the words just flowed out of my fingers. I hope you enjoyed it. I was listening to Girls Aloud, who did a cover of this song, and I thought it would make a great song fic. Well, that's up to you to decide. Any reviews would be welcome. 


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